And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize