i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
