She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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