Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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