I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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