I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
