Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
