they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
