Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
