No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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