a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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