my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
id be glad to
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
