so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
