I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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