Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
