I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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