Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
