allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
