i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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