sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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