Welp...herpes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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