I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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