Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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