Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
