Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
