I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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