I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
