i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Of course I have a pirate flag
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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