You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
