Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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