They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
