My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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