btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Randomize
