a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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