I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we're making bets on your personal life
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
