We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
