I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need water and some morals
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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