I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
