She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
