Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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