I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize