in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
