i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
did i just pee glitter
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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