Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
