Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I am one with the molecules
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
