Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
