I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
