Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
