Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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