he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
