i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
