college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
