I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
