dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
