what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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