just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
