I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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