I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
