textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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