Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
