go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
