I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
