1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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