Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
